Tag Archives: women

Tarot for Moving On

I was struggling this past weekend. I had written Anne a letter, not trying to rehash details, but to cauterize some of the jagged edges I felt from how we had ended. And when she responded in like, which brought up a lot of unfinished feelings inside myself. Because I see myself as a very straightforward person, it’s hard to hear that she said “I think you were more serious than me,” when in fact, she was the one who had a few months ago asked “are you taking a girlfriend application?” I feel like the confusion of her personal life was spilling over into dating me, and it was especially painful to read, “I give 99.9% of myself in all my other relationships and at work, and I need someone who will be my oasis.” As someone who doesn’t really do drama, but will call out miscommunication, that hurt, and I haven’t responded. I wasn’t the self-proclaimed ‘Disney princess, hopeless romantic,’ that she was, and I certainly do not want to be relegated to the point of doormat oasis. I don’t ask a lot from relationships, but what I do ask is to be present with me and work through communication issues as they arise. 

So naturally, after hours and hours of processing with my sister/good friends/Keith, I consulted an online tarot reading. Because fun and harmless. 

Past

The Past position in the reading refers to recent events and challenges that just took place, things that lead up to the present situation, and your role in them.

Six of Swords
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The Six of Swords represents a retreat that you took. You were dealing with heavy stress, signified by the choppy water behind the boat. This card can also indicate that you felt “haunted” by someone or something, and you sought closure. You left the situation behind, and set forth for the calmness of still waters. You learned to balance your mental state, evidenced by the swords that do not fall though the boat is in motion. You were the protector in the situation. Your loved ones relied on you to carry them away from troubled waters. You didn’t let them down.

Present

The Present position in the reading represents what is happening right now. Typically, this is what triggers you to seek out a reading. This card can often help you to understand what steps to take next.

Two of Cups
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Love and deep friendship are suggested by the Two of Cups. You may be in the process of entering into a fulfilling love relationship. This union is based on passion and strength, symbolized by the lion, and a healthy attitude, suggested by the Caduceus, or wand of medicine. The man and woman facing each other, staring into one another’s eyes, suggest the deeper sense of understanding that exists between them. You are probably feeling understanding with this person that you have felt with few others. Perhaps marriage is on the way.

Future

The Future position in teh reading describes what is just around the corner. It’s an official “heads up” about where the situation is heading and how you may navigate through it towards the best possible outcome.

Page of Pentacles
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Frequently, the Page refers to you, or someone of either sex who will strongly influence your life in the situation, and tends to be young or have a youthful semblance. In this card, the Page’s garments of brown and green demonstrate his connection to the earth. He gazes at his pentacle with pride and reverence; he does not take what he has for granted because he has worked so hard to earn it, and he knows he deserves what he has. He is the student, mezmerized by each mystery his studies reveal. The pay-off will matter very little to this person: he will do what he loves to do. His success will stem from his passion for his chosen field.

 

It didn’t solve everything, but it did leave me with a sense of groundedness. That it wasn’t ‘all my fault’ that the relationship ended (which was what my monkey mind was telling me), and that while the future is uncertain, it’s not a dreadful gloomy place. I learned so much about myself, letting myself open up to the possibilities, and am now free to pursue more relationships that make me happy (and are hopefully low drama? Does that exist with women?). Today I’m feeling in a calmly grounded place, and that is nice. 

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I asked a girl out!

Now that I’m back from my Vegas weekend, I have time in my schedule to go on a proper date with Anne. But I am so unskilled in the whole dating department that I was terribly nervous to ask her out. I mean, it seemed pretty apparent that we’ve been on the same page since the beginning, and she certainly seems interested in going on a date with me, but until I asked, I couldn’t know for sure. 

It’s interesting the thought process I’m going through now that I’m out. Because growing up I had certain rules in my mind for how men and women should interact as far as dating. Every experience of me going outside the gender norm (and asking a guy out) had been met with resistance or outright rudeness. And so those experiences reinforced the value that my church had taught, that guys were supposed to initiate and girls were supposed to basically wait around until a guy took some interest. 

But with girls…how does it work? Does asking her out make me too forward? Would anything happen if both of us was waiting for it to happen but to shy or awkward or nervous to say anything about it? I know what I’m feeling is reciprocated, so I just decided to take the plunge. Since she’s busy with school, and work, and kids, and her own life, I put it in her court saying in the course of a texting conversation, “I want to take you on a date,” and asked if she was free sometime this weekend. She suggested Friday night, and so I said I’d plan something. 

Keith thought it was cute that I was researching date options, and said, “oooh, Ms. romantic,” when I suggested this fancy restuarant on a marina that has a great happy hour dinner for really cheap (comparably). I love that he’s sweetly teasing me about it, because with him I am not as lovey-dovey romantic in nature. I find that I enjoy practical romance, like when he got me a really cool new book for our anniversary, rather than flowers. So he thought it was cute that I was planning such a stereotypically romantic date night for my girl. 

Today she asked me where I was taking her, and somehow she hasn’t ever been to this restaurant! I’m actually really surprised because it’s a local favorite for many people, and it makes me happy that I’ll get to show her that experience! But ya’ll, I’m super nervous…I’ve never been on a date by myself with a woman. Sure I go out with my girl friends, but there’s never been that sexual chemistry piece I’ve had to wade through. Though I know that’s reciprocal, too, as she asked me today if walking along the boardwalk would entail making out 🙂

Sigh. I’m smitten. But I’m rule driven, and have no idea how to navigate a same-sex relationship where there’s no designated ‘guy’ and ‘girl’ roles to fill. I ask her out the first time, will she ask me out the next? Do I pay for the bill? Do we ‘go dutch’? Do I kiss her first or do I wait for her to kiss me? SO MANY QUESTIONS!

But I did it. I asked a girl out on a date. Well, I guess I told her that I wanted to go on a date, and she said she would. So that’s something, right? 

Any advice ya’ll on navigating the new ‘rules’ of dating?