I am so proud of Keith. He survived his first date with Jen! They had a lovely time at the soccer match, went out for a beer afterward, and he scored an “open mouth goodnight kiss” which did not include tongue (yes, I wanted all the juicy details!).
While he was busy dating, I was busy parenting our two-and-a-half year old at Happy Hour with my friend Tabby. It was a nice distraction, and the evening was pleasant overall, despite my son’s refusal to freaking sleep already! I know they say terribly twos, but I can’t help think that they’d be less terrible if he wasn’t so tired all the time…because when I’m tired, I’m pretty terrible, too (which colored Keith’s whole date, too).
I think dating with kids is hard. I think trying an open marriage with a kid, especially a toddler, is going to be hard, too, though I am positive it’s worth it. Because this morning, as he was telling me about the kiss, and the game, I was excited for him…but crabby from a poor night sleep and wasn’t really in the mood to be touchy feely. I think that’s going to be the challenge, in having him understand that I wasn’t mad or upset about the date, I was just tired because it’s Thursday and we slept poorly and my back hurts from too much work in locust position on Tuesday night’s class. I have zero jealousy from the experience, and love hearing that kissing a “girl who wears face makeup” tastes different than kissing me. 🙂
I’m incredibly bummed.
Yesterday I had a wickedly amazing texting conversation with Anne, about life, and family, and school, and looking forward to our date on Friday. And she wanted advice on contacting her instructors about a possible schedule conflict for class, because she learned her grandma wasn’t doing well and she wanted to fly there to say goodbye one last time. We were really connected, and it was sweet to share bits of our life together, and I started getting really excited to hang out with her again in person in just a few days.
But this morning I got a text, at 6am, that she was on a plane already heading ‘home,’ because her grandma had passed away. And in the second sentence she said she would have to cancel our date. The thoughtfulness of telling me that in the middle of her sad time put a lump in my throat. While I’m bummed we’ll have to push back our hangout time, I have this quiet confidence that she’ll be in my life for a long time, and what’s one or two more weeks in the grand scheme of things?
And it really put into perspective for me, that dating isn’t just about the good times. It’s not just about the sexy thoughts and the romance of first dates and wine and making out under the stars. It’s about real moments, like sharing childhood memories, and dealing with deaths in the family, and experiencing conflict or hurts, too.
Keitht’s reaction was sweet, when he texted me, “is it weird that I’m sad my wife doesn’t get to go on a date with her girlfriend this week?” and I knew how he felt. Because if Jen were to have something happen where she couldn’t make their date next week, I’d be bummed for him, too. And it sparked a great conversation betweent he two of us, about jealousies and potential jealousies, and the care we have in wanting each other to be happy with our other partners.
I think relationships can be messy, not just because of hurt feelings and conflict, but because life is full of really beautiful and hard experiences that we get to share with each other.