Scheduling is hard. With very few childcare options available, Keith and I asked his parents to watch our son so that we could go on a date (with Anne) on Friday night. But it just so happened that my sister was also in town that day, having spent the night before with us. Since she lives a few hours away, and the trip had been planned for months, I didn’t want to make her reschedule for our potential love life change. And so she came, and we hung out, and I planned to not say a word about my evening date (even hoping that it would calm my nerves to not think about it). Because my sister and I were raised in the same fundamentalist Christian home, and because she still lives in the same rural conservative town, and because we had been not as close in the past year, I just figured I would never come out to her because how would she understand?
So, the morning of my big date, we were sitting in the living room drinking mimosas and watching the kiddo chase the dog around the coffee table, and she suddenly started asking questions like:
“Have you ever thought of doing a threesome? Or how do you feel about monogamy? And marriage, like, do you ever get bored in your marriage, or jealous, or want to open it up to other people?”
Holy hell, the questions were peppering me like bullets. If we had stayed in a neutral territory, talking about marriage, or theoretical, or even focusing on her relationship (together for 4 years, living together for 3, possibly getting engaged soon(ish)). But how could I, with those direct questions rapidly fired at me, not tell her? My little sister, coming to me for advice on her relationship, by wanting connection in knowing she wasn’t the only one thinking of, or wanting, or being nervous and wanting, things to be different somehow.
At first I tried to get around it, but then I said, “so, this might come as a shock to you. And I’m going to tell you, because you asked, but it’s sensitive and I want to know you won’t go blabbing it about. Because I wasn’t going to tell family
at all yet.”
And then I launched in, beginning with the bisexual bomb, and ending with the date that night with a woman and how nervous I was. Her response was beautiful. She laughed when I said, “remember when you were in high school, and you told me mom and dad thought I was a lesbian?,” because she had come to me at one point, since I wasn’t dating, and told me they were concerned. She hadn’t remembered that incident, but said that it wasn’t surprising to her that I wasn’t straight, and then she said:
“You know, just because I’m straight, and live in Tiny Annoying Town, doesn’t mean I’m judgmental. I have some really conservative friends who make Roger (her bf) feel uncomfortable because he’s much more open, and I never want to be that person. I’m excited for you, and can’t wait to hear how the date goes!”
And then she said that she couldn’t imagine doing a threesome with a woman, but would be interested with another dude, and we had a good laugh about how very odd I felt that was (because my other bestie, Ruth, has said something similar before, and I have no interest in two penises near me at one time), and it felt like this really great bonding experience over a vulnerable topic that we were raised to believe was taboo. She then opened up about her own sex life, and their fantasies and explorations, and how she doesn’t have anyone to talk to about it because all her friends are in Tiny Annoying Town mindset. She said she was jealous that I got to live in a Big Liberal City with plenty of acceptance and even anonymity, because truthfully, if i wanted, I could take my potential girlfriend out on the town in parts of the city and I wouldn’t run into anybody I know in my other life.
We went out to breakfast and then shopping. Since she’s super into fashion, she wanted to help me pick out a cute outfit to wear on my first date. She even tried to convince me to wear a trendy fashion necklace accessory, but I stood my ground, because I wanted to seem somewhat like myself and figured if I gave the impression that I can pull of trendy accessories on the first date, then I’d have to keep up that facade!