I nervously applied, and re-applied my lipgloss, as I rode in the passenger seat of my husband’s car. We were heading out, on a Friday night, to the restuarant where we had our first date almost 8 years ago. And we were heading there to meet up with a woman who had advertized a threesome online, and was interested in having a girlfriend.
I was so nervous as we walked into the restuarant, and she and I were texting back and forth about how we should meet up. And then there she was, and I hugged her, and gave her a gift I had picked out, and we got our table. I’m not sure what the hostess thought, because I just kept saying “I’m so nervous,” and my husband Keith was in the bathroom peeing, and so we awkwardly stood there and then headed to our seat and ordered a glass of wine.
As a recently out bisexual, who’s been married to a man for 6 years, and with him for 2 more, it’s been a pretty big deal to let people know that I have attraction toward women. But this recent coming out has also coincided with this unexpected attraction toward a woman with similar passions and goals for a relationship that I also outed myself to a few close friends saying, “I’m going on a date on Friday, with a woman, and my husband, and I hope she ends up my girlfriend.”
I was blown away by the connection we had together. How four hours sitting across from each other felt like 5 minutes, and though I felt super awkward, it was because I couldn’t believe that she could possibly be as in to me as I was in to her. We had already spent a few weeks texting, so I knew that we would connect on poetry and literature and sociology/psychology/anthropology/education, but to sit there and see it happen in person was pretty crazy. So crazy that I almost started crying in the car on the way home out of nerves that she wouldn’t like me. Because I get insecure around pretty women, and she is definitely a pretty woman!
I have so many mixed feelings about the date, and the subsequent discussions with my husband Keith, and her, that I want to explore. But I want to preserve the memory of that first date giddiness, where I sat across from her and was so amazed by the connection, that I couldn’t believe it was really happening.